I'll Start Monday and Other Lies ...

I've said it.  You've said it.  You may be reading this right now and I may never have met you in my entire life ... but I know as sure as the sky is blue that if you are a female over the age of 12 ... you have uttered these words. 

What is it with Monday?  No one likes a Monday.  People say things like "I've got a bad case of the Mondays."  Songs have lyrics like "just another manic Monday" and "rainy days and Mondays always get me down."  My husband loves his job.  Loves it.  Still, he never leaves for work on time on a Monday morning.  NEVER. 

Let's put this into perspective.  Let's say you're a kid ... you're "Monday."  Everyone in school says mean things to you and about you, no one will sit with you at lunch, no one will play with you on the playground.  You're the one with the "cooties."  Tuesday doesn't have a lot of friends but more than you do and Wednesday even more than Tuesday.  Thursday has friends but is not nearly as popular as the Prom Queen ... Friday.  Everyone loves Friday.  Take a moment and remember "that girl" in high school.  You know the one I'm talking about ... everyone had "that girl" in their class.  The one that all the boys worshipped and tripped over to talk to.  The one who had the best hair, the best smile, the best clothes.  She was the head cheerleader and everything she touched turned to gold.  Do you remember her?  I do ... she was my best friend.  I was the "funny" one ... or "Thursday" in this scenario ... because you have to get through Thursday to reach Friday.  Friday is celebrated weekly.  There are phrases praising Friday ... TGIF.  There's a restaurant named after Friday.  Friday is cool. 

I recently saw my "Friday" at our school's homecoming parade this fall.  They were celebrating 20 years of homecoming queens (or something like that) and, of course, you guessed it ... "Friday" was homecoming queen 1989.  I hadn't seen her in 15 years and she was still as lovely as she was the day she was crowned.  Like me, she has two children.  Unlike me, she just gave birth to her second child ONE year ago and I didn't see a bit of baby weight lingering anywhere on her petite frame.  Now, you would think that I might resent that ... that I might hate her just a little bit.  But you know what?  I didn't.  Not even a little.  Because no matter how hard you try ... you just can't hate Friday!

So, the question of the day is ... why in the Hell do we tell ourselves we will start our diet on Monday (the most hated day of the week) and not Friday (the most celebrated)?  Is it because deep down inside we want to hate it?  We want to put ourselves in a position to fail?  My husband says I have a tendency to over analyze everything and I may just be proving his point here but I'm sure he's not reading this so I'll let him be right this time.  WHY?  Why not Friday?  I will tell you why ... because Friday is fun.  Because Friday has half-price appetizers and $1 draft beers.  Because bars hire bands and DJs on Friday nights so people can come and dance the night away while eating their half-price appetizers and drinking their $1 beer.  Fridays are fun.  Diets are not. 

On that note, I'd like to let you in on a little secret.  I started my new diet plan yesterday ... MONDAY.  That's right.  I decided to go sit with Monday, the stinky kid at school and make him my new best friend.  I thought long and hard and planned on when I was going to start this new endeavor.  I'm following a meal delivery diet plan with fresh food that expires after 10 days of receipt so my timing had to be impeccable.  I chose a date ... it was a Monday.  One of my friends asked why I didn't wait until after the Holidays?  My response ... I've been waiting for 17 years.  A hundred Mondays have come and gone.  I've used every excuse in the book .. I'm too busy, it's my birthday, it's Nick's birthday, it's Chloe's birthday, it's Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, President's Day, I'm going on vacation .... The point is that there will always be a reason NOT to do it.  You have to just throw in the towel and pick a date.  Maybe that date will be on a Monday. Just do it! 

A recovering alcoholic doesn't like the fact that he/she can't drink anymore ... not even one drink ... ever ... even after he/she has been sober for 20 years.  They don't like it ... they just do it.  One step.  Every day.  Recovering addicts feel the same way.  Alcoholism is a disease.  Drug addiction is a disease.  Obesity is a disease.  There are support groups for the pleasantly plump.  Think Weight Watchers, TOPS, etc.  One of my favorite TV sitcoms is "Mike & Molly," who are two chunky monkeys (mmmmm.....Ben & Jerry's) who met at Overeaters Anonymous.  I'm not that different.  I find myself to be powerless over junk food.  I admit that I'm powerless.  I accept that and am working one day (sometimes one minute) at a time to change that.  This blog is my outlet because quite honestly it really irritates me that I have to eliminate some of my favorite foods from my diet because if I have just one it will lead to another and then another and then another and ... well, you get the idea. 

I have attempted the diet route a million times over.  I have "relapsed" a million times over.  That's fine.  I'm just a girl.  But if I don't have the power to say "no" to a cookie then I let the cookie control me and quite frankly I don't want to be controlled by a cookie, or a potato chip or a mozzeralla stick. This blog is my way of holding myself accountable ... because I know you will be reading (or maybe no one will be reading) and watching to see how it goes.  It won't be easy ... it won't be fun ... it won't be pretty ... but I have an incredibly easy time laughing at myself so I'm thinking it will probably be amusing. 

"God grant me the serenity ...."

 © 2010-2011 Melanie L. Miller All Rights Reserved