Valerie Bertinelli. An American icon. Most of you will remember her as the fresh-faced tomboy, Barbara Cooper, on One Day at a Time. Some of you may remember her from various made-for-TV movies or for her role on Touched by an Angel. Maybe you know her as a spokesperson for Jenny Craig or now watch her regularly on the hilarious new sitcom Hot in Cleveland. Me? I became fascinated with her when she married rocker Eddie Van Halen ... a classic tale of romance between the good girl and the bad boy. And we all know how that turned out ...
Thanks to the particularly harsh winter weather and my lousy immune system, I have had to fight off more nasty colds and cases of the flu this season than in any other in recent memory. Which, in turn, translates into a number of sick days spent at home, on the couch, eating chicken noodle soup and watching daytime TV.
On one such occasion, I happened to catch an episode of The Nate Berkus Show. His guest that day was Valerie Bertinelli. You may know Nate Berkus as the go-to interior designer on Oprah. He now has a show of his own ... and quite frankly, I am of the opinion that he shouldn't quit his day job and should concentrate solely on design. But I digress.
While Nate Berkus may not be the most engaging of talk show hosts, he did manage to come up with some appropriate questions and the answer to one particular question asked of Ms. Bertinelli caught my attention. In response to the question as to how it is that she (Valerie) had been able to maintain a 50 pound weight loss over the past several years, she responded something to this effect, " ... because I finally realized that I deserved to feel good in my own body." Isn't that a great answer?
Valerie Bertinelli has led an interesting life. She is a star ... a household name. She was married to a rock star. But, all things considered, she's still just a girl ... a working mother ... who has struggled in her marriage ... and struggled with her weight. And, more importantly, faced those struggles under the harsh scrutiny of the public eye.
I can't even begin to imagine. I'm fat. And, in reality, the only person who cares that I'm fat is me. I'm sure the girls I went to high school with get a kick out of the fact that I'm no longer the stick figure I once was, that's just the nature of the beast. And when you live in a small town, the rumor mill is always on the look out for and spreading stories about marriages that are "on the rocks," whether they are or not. But I don't have paparazzi chasing me down the street trying to take a picture of me at a bad angle or while eating a foot-long hot dog with the works or zooming in on my cellulite as I stroll along the beach. And even the local newspaper here in Podunk, PA doesn't have an interest in making my disagreements with my husband front page news. Shocking ... I know.
So this is why I find Valerie Bertinelli to be so fascinating. Because as extraordinary as her life may seem, she really is just the girl next door ... or perhaps, even the girl right here ... sitting on this couch ... writing this blog.
I have had my fair share of struggles ... weight being only one of them. We all have our issues. But do we all deal with them? Or do we sweep them under the rug and give the impression to ourselves and others that our house is clean? My pastor once said that life is a lot like gardening ... you can pull out all the weeds and make the garden look beautiful ... but unless you dig really deep and pull the weeds out by the roots, the weeds will eventually take over and everything in the garden will die.
I, for one, have a lot of weeds ... or at least I did. Now I'm left with only a few. I am a control freak. I like to control my environment and, unfortunately, the people who enter it. I have spent so much of my life trying to control things that were so completely and utterly out of my control, that I failed to tend to my own garden. And it got overrun by weeds. Hence, the main reason for my long trip down the size W highway.
So, I had to learn to give up control. "Let go and let God," became my mantra. Which for someone who likes to be in control can actually be physically painful. It took years and years of struggling before I was actually able to give up, give in and really let God take over. It also took what I believe to be a Divine intervention. It was like I was in an arm wrestling match with God over which was one of us was going to be in control. How did I ever believe for a moment that I was going to win?
Every season of The Biggest Loser has an episode wherein one or more of the contestants finally have an emotional breakthrough that allows them to let go of whatever it was that was holding them back from losing weight. So when I decided that my 40th year would be a different one, I had to force myself to look at my weight from a new perspective. I have taken the time to start documenting somewhat of a timeline ... documenting in a diary when the extra weight started to come on ... where I was at in my life when it started to slowly creep on and what was happening in my life when it really started to spiral out of my control. I have had some revelations ... for instance, over the course of one year, I got married, had a child, my parents got divorced and my brother, being angry with my parents, kind of excused himself from our family. That's a big year ... and my clothing size from the beginning of that year to the end showed a big difference. And that's only one example. But by going down this somewhat uncomfortable road, I have been able to shed some weight ... emotionally ... as well as physically. Because I am no longer ignoring the issues that assisted in getting me to the size that I am ... I am pulling them out by the roots. And I'm not embarrassed to be sharing my struggles with you ... because no one has led a perfect life ... and it's okay to have your own particular demons. We all do. I ignored mine for years ... trying to keep everything neat and tidy and within my control. Which only led to one big, disastrous mess. So I let go ... and I encourage you to begin letting go too. It's so much easier.
Valerie Bertinelli has had to face her own demons. She was married to and had a child with an alcoholic/addict. She struggled for years in her marriage and it wasn't until she gave up the struggle and took control of her own situation that she was able to do what was right for her ... and filed for divorce. The years she spent struggling within her marriage took a toll on her ... emotionally and physically. And it took her years to dig deep and pull the weeds from her garden and make it beautiful once again. But she did ... and she now realizes that she deserves to feel beautiful. To feel comfortable in her own skin. And I love that about her.
I find her to be more beautiful today than she was ten years ago because she has a joy in her eyes that looks contagious. She has turned her life around ... lost 50 pounds ... kept it off ... walked a marathon ... is on a hit TV show ... has remarried. Happiness and self-confidence suit her. And it gives me hope
While I find her life to be inspiring, I also find the titles of Valerie Bertinelli's most successful TV shows to be inspiring as well. I am learning to live my life One Day at a Time ... allowing God to point me in the right direction and opening myself up to being Touched by an Angel ... and coming to the realization that I deserve to feel beautiful and comfortable in my own skin and that I can be Hot in Cleveland ... or in Podunk, PA or wherever life might take me. And you do too ...
© 2010-2011 Melanie L. Miller All Rights Reserved
ugh, I had a long reply written and it's gone now.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to tell you I have struggled with my parents divorce, too. It's so different when you are an adult and out of the house when your parents split - especially when you were raised in the homes we were, in the church we were. I know I never, ever imagined my parents (OR YOURS!) would get divorced. And the year they divorced was also full of other stressors: my engagement to my high school sweetheart came to an end, my little sister got married and had a baby at 16, added to some college stress with being involved in WAY too much. And not dealing with those stressors also added dress sizes. :/
Also - how did we have the same English teachers? You write SO well.
I appreciate hearing that. I think a lot of times when parents get divorced when you are an adult, people expect you to be fine with it. Because you aren't a child anymore. People don't talk about how devastating it is as an adult. Particularly, as you mentioned, when you were raised in the environment that we both were. Makes you feel as if everything you were brought up to believe in was a sham. And then there's the whole being put in the position as a peacemaker between parents and siblings ... and that's what I became. And after 17 years of playing peacemaker and making no headway ... I just finally let it all go. And realized that these were not my choices and they are not my problems. I am still the child in this situation and tired of taking on the role of the parent. And when I was finally able to really, truly set that free ... I began to realize how much of my life I had let slip on by. And how I needed to start doing what I wanted to do for me to feel happy and have my needs met. And it feels good :) I still have a long way to go ... and feel myself being sucked back in on occasion but I'm making this year MY year ... and I'm glad you've come along for the ride. And I appreciate your compliment ... I just write what's in my heart. It's cathartic.
ReplyDeleteAs a side note ... of course my parents divorce is not the only thing I have had to struggle with in my life ... it was just the catalyst that started a downward spiral into losing control over my body. It was just my first real revelation and not the entire cause for my weight gain. I'm still responsible for my own choices :)
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. And yes, I, too, had to really question what I believe and what my parents believed - and how much they really believed it. Why didn't we get together when we were both going through this so many years ago?
ReplyDeleteI'm so proud of us! Look at us, realizing other people's choices don't have to really effect our life to THAT extent anymore! We are strong women, if only we believed that as often as we should.