I am a writer ... I may not be getting paid for it yet, but I do consider myself to be a writer. And when you are a writer ... eventually you will experience writer's block. There have been times over the past few weeks where I have sat down with my laptop, opened my blog site and realized that I had nothing to say. When I first began writing this blog ... I was full of ideas. But the thing about transferring those ideas to "paper," is that they oftentimes turn into something completely different when the product reaches completion.
The best way for me to describe my writing process is that it begins with an acorn (a small idea) ... and grows into a mighty oak (the finished product). When inspiration strikes ... I sit down ... and just allow the words to come through me. I am often surprised by where the journey takes me. These little blips and stories I share with you actually take hours to write. But once I start writing ... something else takes over all together and I cannot stop until I am done. My daughter often comments when I am deep into the process that she could ask for the moon and I would say yes because I am not really present. For me, the writing process is all consuming.
I do not limit my writing to the contents of this blog ... I am currently in the process of writing a manuscript .. I journal every day. My dear friend D often comments on my journal as the best written journal of all time because while she journals freehand in a purple notebook ... I keep mine on my computer and edit my thoughts relentlessly.
Once upon a time I was the supervisor in the transcription department of a major insurance company. Every piece of written correspondence, claim information, etc came through my department and it was my responsibility to make sure it was perfect. So editing written material is deeply embedded in my psyche ... and I apply that editing to everything that I write ... whether it be an e-mail, a thank you note, etc.
So when I sit down at my computer to share my insights with you ... I make sure that what I am writing about is relevant to where I currently am in my walk ... that I get those ideas across with humor and sensitivity and that they are honest. My posts are not groundbreaking ... or life changing. By going back and reading what I have written ... I can honestly say that they are not all my best work. Some of the posts that I think are my best receive the least feedback ... and ones that I believe to be mediocre get an overwhelming response. It's a learning process ... and I learn something every time I publish something new.
I want to personally thank everyone for the mass amount of support you showed me in regard to my post entitled Finding Myself ... I received so many e-mails that I haven't been able to answer each one personally. But I wanted you to know that your messages were read and greatly appreciated.
I fancy myself as a modern day Erma Bombeck ... finding humor in the mundane ... in everyday life. And that seems to be working for me. But lately, given my present circumstances, I'm really not feeling the funny ... feeling a little more Tony Robbins than Erma ... so please bear with me ... I am hoping it is just a phase. :) And as with all things I write ... inspiration strikes under the strangest of circumstances. With that being said ...
Last night I was on my way home from a meeting ... it was about 9:00 p.m. and a horrible thunderstorm greeted me when I exited the building. I stood in the doorway under the overhang for awhile contemplating whether or not I should wait for the rain to subside or make a run for it. The weather did not show any signs of letting up so I ran as fast as my chubby little legs would carry me ... down the sidewalk ... across the street and into the parking garage ... looking much like a drowned rat as I unlocked my car. My hoodie was soaked and did little to protect my hair ... my Keds filled with water.
As I paid my parking fee and turned onto the road that would lead me home, the rain was coming down with such force I could barely see three feet ahead of me. Once again, I contemplated pulling over and waiting for the rain to subside ... but a quick listen to a weather alert on a local radio station assured me that relief was not to be found.
Now, on a normal day ... the ride home from my meeting would take approximately 45 minutes ... and as I live in Podunk, PA ... that means traveling along unlit, country roads a majority of the way. It was already late ... my children were home alone ... and you know how dangerous teenagers can be when left to their own devices (*wink*) ... so my only choice was to forge ahead.
I said a quick prayer as I do every time I enter my vehicle ... and started on my journey ... pulling myself forward in my seat for a better view and clutching the steering wheel with both hands. I am not clear if it was the time of night or the weather conditions that kept most people off the road last night ... but I found that for a majority of my ride home ... I was alone on the roadway ... no reassuring taillights to light my path ... no headlights in my rear view mirror.
The normal 45 minute ride ... took a total of one hour and 20 minutes ... and not for one moment was I able to see more than three feet ahead of me. But you know what I found? That three feet was just enough ... just enough to dodge the falling branches that had been blown down by the forceful winds ... just enough to see the portions of flooded roadways I needed to avoid ... just enough to slowly and safely make it to the shelter of my home.
And this got me to thinking ... why is it that we often feel the need to see every mile of the journey that leads to our final destination? Looking only for blue skies and sunshine ... able to see ahead for miles and miles and miles.
Have you ever traveled across this country? The road is paved with hills and valleys ... twists and turns ... and, yes, even the occasional flat stretch of road where you can actually see miles ahead of you ... if the weather cooperates. There are sunny days ... there are rainy days ... there are thunderstorms ... tornadoes ... hurricanes ... blizzards. Weather is unpredictable ... and makes your journey unpredictable as well.
That's life ... isn't it? Would you fall in love if you could see ahead for miles and miles and see that the love wouldn't last and you would have to suffer heartbreak? Would you quit that job in search of a new career if you could see for miles and miles and know for a fact that the new career you chose wasn't what you expected it would be? Would you have children if you could see for miles and miles and know that your child would experience a terminal illness ... or suffer from an addiction? Would you take risks and chances if you could see for miles and miles and know the outcome isn't what you wanted it to be?
I never imagined that at 40 years old I would find myself taking a leap of faith and leaving a job with security to pursue life as a college student ... or that I would be doing it at a time of great upheaval in my family. I never imagined myself as a single mother to two teenagers ... living alone in a great big house ... taking on new responsibilities as head of the household. Sure ... I would like to have a crystal ball to look into the future and see where this journey ends ... if there is hope for saving my marriage ... if I rise to the challenge and finish my degree ... if I use this painful experience as a learning tool to grow and be an example to my children of how to overcome obstacles in the road. But my future is unwritten and what is to come remains unseen. One of my favorite songs of all time is Garth Brooks' The Dance ... wherein he sings " ... I could have missed the pain ... but I'd have had to miss the dance." And isn't the dance the best part?
You aren't meant to see for miles and miles ahead into your future every single day. Some days will be bright and sunny and the road will be outstretched before you with blue skies lighting your path. Other days it will be winding and difficult and thunderstorms will be in your midst. And that's okay ... because (as Joyce Meyers often says) if you worry, why pray ... and if you pray, why worry?
God will let you see what you are meant to see ... and you will be given the knowledge you need when it is time for you to know it. God will give you just enough sight to guide you ... and it may only be three feet ahead ... but just like my journey home ... three feet is just enough to avoid the branches and floods that may be blocking your path ... you may have to go a little slower ... you may not arrive to your destination in the amount of time you would like. But sometimes three feet is just enough to get you safely home ... right where you belong.
© 2010-2011 Melanie L. Miller All Rights Reserved
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