Turning 40 has been life changing in several different ways for the Divine Mrs M. My daughter, my baby, is turning 16 this week and last week was her super sweet 16 party ... a Mardi Gras theme that turned out to be as lovely and as special as I had planned. You never know what you are going to get when you get 70+ teenagers aged 15 - 18 gathered together in one fancy hotel ballroom ... but I am happy to announce that they were very well-behaved and I believe a good time was had by all.
Watching your youngest child reach their 16th birthday gives way to a mix of emotions. Excitement for them to reach this rite of passage and sadness that there are only a few years left before they leave the nest to start the next chapter in their life. Add on to that a son who is 17, on the final stretch of his junior year of high school and heading too quickly toward his senior year, taking SATs and reviewing college choices and you have one sad mama.
Awhile back I published a post in regard to the fact that I am now entering the autumn of my life. I have done a lot of soul searching and praying since publishing that post and have made some very daring decisions as to the direction I want my life to lead as I approach this new season. As I had mentioned in that post, the days of being CEO of the Divine Mrs M's household is winding down and heading toward its expiration date. With that in mind, I have made the decision to leave the comfort and safety of my current job and dive head first into the college pool and finally finish the degree I started as a part-time student way back in 1996.
I have waffled back and forth over this decision for quite some time. At a time when unemployment rates are at an all-time high and the economy is iffy at best, I, the crazy and perhaps slightly unstable, Divine Mrs M is voluntarily choosing to leave the workforce and follow the road less traveled.
I have a dear friend who chose to turn her whole life topsy-turvy right around the time of our 20th high school reunion. I spent some time with her at a wedding right before she made these life-changing decisions ... and while she didn't mention what she was planning at the time, she did say something that really stuck with me. We were talking about the upcoming reunion and how we were looking forward to becoming reacquainted with friends we had lost touch with along the path of higher education, relocation, marriages, children, etc. We were going through the list of classmates we were going to be seeing and, as is par for the course for all women around class reunion time, worried what people would be thinking when they saw that we no longer looked exactly as our 18 year old selves once did ... and were now what I always refer to as being "swollen" versions of ourselves.
My dear friend confided in me that she had recently began walking/running again. When I asked if she was doing it in hopes of losing some weight before the reunion, she said no. And this is the part that will forever be stuck with me ... she said she had decided that it was time for her to, " ... do something for me. Just me." I found that to be very profound ... mature ... brave.
Women are caretakers by nature ... and this is actually a recurring theme here on this website. But it's the truth and cannot be avoided. Some of us are more independent than others and may not get overwhelmed and bogged down by the daily routine of taking care of those around us. But my friend, like I, had shifted her needs to the bottom of the daily "to do list," and eventually snapped out of her caretaker fog and decided it was time to make a change. To focus on her needs ... her wants. And she started by focusing on feeling better about herself and hit the pavement running ... well, she admitted it was really walking at first ... but eventually worked her way up to running.
And then my friend, the text book Leave it to Beaver at-home mom, went back to work ... full-time ... as a nurse ... once again using that college degree she had worked so hard to earn. And then she made the hardest decision of all ... to leave her long-term marriage to her high school sweetheart. A heart-breaking decision made with careful consideration ... and coming to the harsh realization that the union while safe and comfortable was not a happy one and if she was taking the time to be honest with herself, it was a decision she should have made years earlier. But everything in its own time.
All of these decisions were made over the course of years ... not months or weeks. And the cycle of change started slowly ... with the running ... taking time every day and doing something just for her ... and using that time to clear her mind and focus on where she wanted life to lead her.
I have found that you can become complacent in every area of your life ... you will order the same food over and over again at your favorite restaurant because you know you won't be disappointed ... never choosing to try something new; you will stay in the same job for years and years and years, not concerned with growing or branching out and doing something different, because you know how to do this job and it's a comfortable fit; you will continue to sit in the third pew at the same church you and your family have attended since you were a small child week after week even though the church isn't headed in the same direction that your faith is pushing you to go ... but you are comfortable there and don't want to offend your pastor, members of the congregation, etc.; you will continue to remain in relationships that have become toxic or have passed their expiration dates because you are comfortable in the relationship, even if it hurts, because the pain is familiar and more comfortable than making a break; and you will continue to remain overweight and not put forth the effort it takes to lose that weight because you are comfortable with your sedentary lifestyle and are too afraid to walk into that meeting ... or that gym ... or to take that exercise class.
The fear of change can hinder your ability to live life to the fullest. I will confess something to you that may sound absolutely ridiculous but is my truth nonetheless. I love to shop ... and I mean that with my whole heart ... I love, love, love to shop. But the only place I feel comfortable shopping for myself when it comes to clothing is at "The Big Girl Store." That's what I call it ... it's a mainstream shop for the big girls located in every shopping mall across America. The sales girls know me by name. They know my kids names and ages as they have spent several hours lounging on the couches outside of the dressing room waiting for me to finish making my selections. I like that their clothing is not centered around senior citizen fashion and they have hip and trendy size W choices. I am comfortable there. If and when this weight ever comes off of my size W frame, I have to find another store to spend my money in. And I like the Big Girl Store.
I told you it was ridiculous. But it really does enter my psyche ... the thought of changing where it is that I shop. It's crazy ... and it's a roadblock on my path to success. And it took me a long time to actually admit that it was hindering my success. And I wonder what roadblocks are in your path that are stopping you from accomplishing your goals.
Now back to my friend ... I am pleased to say that this woman, this amazing woman, is more beautiful now than she was 20 years ago. She did lose that pesky weight ... but that is not the reason that she is beautiful. She is beautiful because she is happy ... truly happy. Her happiness shines through her whole self. She is living on her own ... in a new relationship ... continues to be the most amazing mother to her three amazing children ... and is in love with her career outside of the home. I truly believe that she is living her best life as her best self. And living your best life as your best self takes courage. A lot of chutzpah.
There are always people who are going to give you grief over the changes you are making. I have gotten a lot of negative feedback regarding my decision to leave my job. Your size W friends may actually lend a hand in sabotaging your weight loss efforts ... because they are comfortable with you as you are ... and afraid of what will happen to your friendship if you no longer share the same dress size. If your marriage ends, people are bound to have an opinion ... good or bad. I guess the thing with getting older is ... who cares? You only get one shot to live your life on this earth ... do what you need to do to enjoy every moment.
I believe in God ... I ask him for guidance ... and when I am afraid, I have to remind myself that He has a plan for me ... and it isn't always necessary for me to know exactly what that plan is. Because He knows. And that's all I really need to know.
I don't know where you are at in your journey in this life ... and I don't know if you have a higher power you rely on to guide you down your path. What I do know is that you cannot allow fear and all of the "what ifs" to keep you from expanding your horizons and living your best life. I have allowed the fear of failure to stop me from achieving my goals ... giving up on myself too easily. And that holds true in all areas of my life. I am not going to accept that any longer.
What I have found is that by making this one major change and feeling the weight of that decision finally being lifted from my shoulders that the physical weight I have been carrying around is starting to be lifted as well. I believe that I have a lot of internal baggage I have been carrying around that has transpired itself into an actual physical weight gain. By not being able to truly commit to choosing change ... I have kept myself trapped inside my safe, comfortable, size W bubble.
Well ... I am popping that bubble ... heading out into the unknown ... and the times they are a changing ...
© 2010-2011 Melanie L. Miller All Rights Reserved
Monday, February 28, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
The Girl in the Hermes Scarf
Last night my daughter and I settled in and watched the movie Confessions of a Shopaholic. For those of you not familiar with Sophie Kinsella's Shopaholic series of books, you should make yourself acquainted. The movie was disappointing as most movies turn out to be when you have adored the book it is associated with but it's a fun movie to watch on a snowy Sunday evening, drinking coffee and hanging out with your best girl.
Our heroine, Rebecca Bloomwood, is in denial about her debt, has debt collectors stalking her at home and at work, is close to financial ruin and cannot curb her urge to shop. In a bizarre twist of luck, she lands a job as a financial columnist at a magazine, Successful Saving, wherein she writes an advice column on how young women like herself can live debt free lives and have fun doing it ... obviously, the exact opposite of how Rebecca lives her own life. Rebecca uses the byline "The Girl in the Green Scarf," in order to protect her identity ... lest the debt collectors find her and/or she is called out for being a fraud.
Over the course of the movie, Rebecca finds herself in some ridiculous predicaments ... her excuses as to why she cannot meet with one particular debt collector are quite ingenious ... and eventually, must come to terms with the fact that she is indeed a "shopaholic" and needs to focus less on shopping and more on what is important in life. The End. All wrapped up neat and pretty ... much unlike my favorite Shopaholic book series, but cest la vie.
To say that I have a passion for scarves would be an understatement. I have never counted how many hang in my closet (and some in my husband's because I ran out of room in mine) ... but I would say close to 50 ... perhaps even more (I'm being pretty conservative with that number). My collection of scarves range from long to short, silk to knit, black and white to every color of the rainbow ... and then some. I tie them to the straps of my neutral colored handbags to give them a splash of color, I tie them around my waist and wear them as belts and wear them around my neck tied in different styles ... when I was a teenager, I used to tie them around my ponytail. I find scarves to be very chic and very French. And I love, love, love all things French.
When you love scarves as much as I do ... an Hermes scarf is the holy grail. And I have one. Only one. And it's gorgeous. It is silk ... dyed in an orange, purple and cream design ... and it is divine. And it rests in its original Hermes box along with a lovely thank you note from the French woman who sold it to me ... who told me to cherish this scarf and wear it with love. Which probably sounds quite ridiculous to those of you who only own scarves knitted by your grandmothers. But to me, it is ...
I don't even know how to describe it. My Hermes scarf is the most luxurious item I have ever bought for myself. And I bought it shortly after a visit to Paris. I could have bought one while I was actually in Paris but I just couldn't justify the purchase at the time ... you know, with my husband constantly lurking around. I did, however, have a change of heart after arriving home to the US of A ... and my husband was safely back at work. Don't get me wrong ... I had purchased a delicious cream-colored scarf while in Paris, as well as one for all of my peeps, but none of them were Hermes.
And now I have this beautiful scarf, nestled in it's beautiful box and I have never worn it outside of the house. Never. And I don't have any idea why. I have tried it on of course. Tried it in a different variety of ways ... and it's gorgeous. But I just cannot bring myself to allow it out of it's box for more than an hour or two. And, please, before you call the gentleman in white coats to come and carry me away, I am fully aware of the fact that this is crazy. That treating this scarf, which to me was expensive but to some is just another item in their closet, as if it were the Queen's jewels and should be locked away in a vault is insane. But tucked away in it's box, taking up space on my dresser, is where it remains to this day ... never to be seen by the outside world.
And it got me to thinking ... all of the words I can use to describe my Hermes scarf ... valuable ... beautiful ... vibrant ... sexy ... worth showing off ... is how I really feel on the inside. I have all of these wonderful, vibrant qualities hiding beneath the cover of a non-descript box ... or in this case, under layers and rolls of fat. And I have yet been able to lift the cover and show myself to the world.
One of the best greeting cards I ever received had a drawing of a woman on the front and written above her it said, "Inside me is a skinny girl just screaming to come out ..." Open it and it says " ... I ate her."
But isn't that the truth? If you are now or ever were struggling with your weight ... is/was there not a skinny woman inside of you just screaming to be set free? And just like my gorgeous Hermes scarf ... does she not deserve to be freed from her box and shown off to the world? I think so.
So now back to my story about the precocious Rebecca Bloomwood. What does this have to do with her story as the "Girl in the Green Scarf?" Aha ...
Because dear readers, much like Ms. Bloomwood's aptitude to give good advice and motivation to her readers on how to save money and live happily on a budget while her personal debt was shooting higher than fireworks on the Fourth of July ... I find myself willing and able to share my stories and my life experiences with you along my journey to becoming a more fabulous self in my 40th year ... all the while not having much success in achieving my goals.
Since I began this journey I have lost a grand total of 3 pounds. I have actually lost more than that ... but that is the total that I have been able to keep off. And I am finding even that to be a struggle. Much like Ms. Bloomwood, I am full of excuses as to why this has happened ... but, again just like Ms. Bloomwood, my excuses are nothing but fairy tales conjured up in my truly overactive imagination. I have just become lazy. Perhaps even lazier than before ... and I feel that if I continue down this road of insomnia when it comes to my journey ... I no longer have the right to write my beloved blog.
So, what to do ... what to do? Um ... quit whining about it and get busy, of course! Because the Divine Mrs. M loves to write her blog ... loves to hear your feedback and truth be told, hopes that if you continue to follow me along this roller coaster ride of failures and success you may be inspired at some point along the way.
And while my byline is still the Divine Mrs M ... I want to give thanks to the fictional Becky Bloomwood, i.e., "The Girl in the Green Scarf," for showing me the error of my ways ... and perhaps someday ... my journey will actually be published and I will hence be forever known as "The Girl in the Hermes Scarf ..."
© 2010-2011 Melanie L. Miller All Rights Reserved
Our heroine, Rebecca Bloomwood, is in denial about her debt, has debt collectors stalking her at home and at work, is close to financial ruin and cannot curb her urge to shop. In a bizarre twist of luck, she lands a job as a financial columnist at a magazine, Successful Saving, wherein she writes an advice column on how young women like herself can live debt free lives and have fun doing it ... obviously, the exact opposite of how Rebecca lives her own life. Rebecca uses the byline "The Girl in the Green Scarf," in order to protect her identity ... lest the debt collectors find her and/or she is called out for being a fraud.
Over the course of the movie, Rebecca finds herself in some ridiculous predicaments ... her excuses as to why she cannot meet with one particular debt collector are quite ingenious ... and eventually, must come to terms with the fact that she is indeed a "shopaholic" and needs to focus less on shopping and more on what is important in life. The End. All wrapped up neat and pretty ... much unlike my favorite Shopaholic book series, but cest la vie.
To say that I have a passion for scarves would be an understatement. I have never counted how many hang in my closet (and some in my husband's because I ran out of room in mine) ... but I would say close to 50 ... perhaps even more (I'm being pretty conservative with that number). My collection of scarves range from long to short, silk to knit, black and white to every color of the rainbow ... and then some. I tie them to the straps of my neutral colored handbags to give them a splash of color, I tie them around my waist and wear them as belts and wear them around my neck tied in different styles ... when I was a teenager, I used to tie them around my ponytail. I find scarves to be very chic and very French. And I love, love, love all things French.
When you love scarves as much as I do ... an Hermes scarf is the holy grail. And I have one. Only one. And it's gorgeous. It is silk ... dyed in an orange, purple and cream design ... and it is divine. And it rests in its original Hermes box along with a lovely thank you note from the French woman who sold it to me ... who told me to cherish this scarf and wear it with love. Which probably sounds quite ridiculous to those of you who only own scarves knitted by your grandmothers. But to me, it is ...
I don't even know how to describe it. My Hermes scarf is the most luxurious item I have ever bought for myself. And I bought it shortly after a visit to Paris. I could have bought one while I was actually in Paris but I just couldn't justify the purchase at the time ... you know, with my husband constantly lurking around. I did, however, have a change of heart after arriving home to the US of A ... and my husband was safely back at work. Don't get me wrong ... I had purchased a delicious cream-colored scarf while in Paris, as well as one for all of my peeps, but none of them were Hermes.
And now I have this beautiful scarf, nestled in it's beautiful box and I have never worn it outside of the house. Never. And I don't have any idea why. I have tried it on of course. Tried it in a different variety of ways ... and it's gorgeous. But I just cannot bring myself to allow it out of it's box for more than an hour or two. And, please, before you call the gentleman in white coats to come and carry me away, I am fully aware of the fact that this is crazy. That treating this scarf, which to me was expensive but to some is just another item in their closet, as if it were the Queen's jewels and should be locked away in a vault is insane. But tucked away in it's box, taking up space on my dresser, is where it remains to this day ... never to be seen by the outside world.
And it got me to thinking ... all of the words I can use to describe my Hermes scarf ... valuable ... beautiful ... vibrant ... sexy ... worth showing off ... is how I really feel on the inside. I have all of these wonderful, vibrant qualities hiding beneath the cover of a non-descript box ... or in this case, under layers and rolls of fat. And I have yet been able to lift the cover and show myself to the world.
One of the best greeting cards I ever received had a drawing of a woman on the front and written above her it said, "Inside me is a skinny girl just screaming to come out ..." Open it and it says " ... I ate her."
But isn't that the truth? If you are now or ever were struggling with your weight ... is/was there not a skinny woman inside of you just screaming to be set free? And just like my gorgeous Hermes scarf ... does she not deserve to be freed from her box and shown off to the world? I think so.
So now back to my story about the precocious Rebecca Bloomwood. What does this have to do with her story as the "Girl in the Green Scarf?" Aha ...
Because dear readers, much like Ms. Bloomwood's aptitude to give good advice and motivation to her readers on how to save money and live happily on a budget while her personal debt was shooting higher than fireworks on the Fourth of July ... I find myself willing and able to share my stories and my life experiences with you along my journey to becoming a more fabulous self in my 40th year ... all the while not having much success in achieving my goals.
Since I began this journey I have lost a grand total of 3 pounds. I have actually lost more than that ... but that is the total that I have been able to keep off. And I am finding even that to be a struggle. Much like Ms. Bloomwood, I am full of excuses as to why this has happened ... but, again just like Ms. Bloomwood, my excuses are nothing but fairy tales conjured up in my truly overactive imagination. I have just become lazy. Perhaps even lazier than before ... and I feel that if I continue down this road of insomnia when it comes to my journey ... I no longer have the right to write my beloved blog.
So, what to do ... what to do? Um ... quit whining about it and get busy, of course! Because the Divine Mrs. M loves to write her blog ... loves to hear your feedback and truth be told, hopes that if you continue to follow me along this roller coaster ride of failures and success you may be inspired at some point along the way.
And while my byline is still the Divine Mrs M ... I want to give thanks to the fictional Becky Bloomwood, i.e., "The Girl in the Green Scarf," for showing me the error of my ways ... and perhaps someday ... my journey will actually be published and I will hence be forever known as "The Girl in the Hermes Scarf ..."
© 2010-2011 Melanie L. Miller All Rights Reserved
Thursday, February 10, 2011
The Road from One Day at a Time to being Touched by an Angel and becoming Hot In Cleveland
Valerie Bertinelli. An American icon. Most of you will remember her as the fresh-faced tomboy, Barbara Cooper, on One Day at a Time. Some of you may remember her from various made-for-TV movies or for her role on Touched by an Angel. Maybe you know her as a spokesperson for Jenny Craig or now watch her regularly on the hilarious new sitcom Hot in Cleveland. Me? I became fascinated with her when she married rocker Eddie Van Halen ... a classic tale of romance between the good girl and the bad boy. And we all know how that turned out ...
Thanks to the particularly harsh winter weather and my lousy immune system, I have had to fight off more nasty colds and cases of the flu this season than in any other in recent memory. Which, in turn, translates into a number of sick days spent at home, on the couch, eating chicken noodle soup and watching daytime TV.
On one such occasion, I happened to catch an episode of The Nate Berkus Show. His guest that day was Valerie Bertinelli. You may know Nate Berkus as the go-to interior designer on Oprah. He now has a show of his own ... and quite frankly, I am of the opinion that he shouldn't quit his day job and should concentrate solely on design. But I digress.
While Nate Berkus may not be the most engaging of talk show hosts, he did manage to come up with some appropriate questions and the answer to one particular question asked of Ms. Bertinelli caught my attention. In response to the question as to how it is that she (Valerie) had been able to maintain a 50 pound weight loss over the past several years, she responded something to this effect, " ... because I finally realized that I deserved to feel good in my own body." Isn't that a great answer?
Valerie Bertinelli has led an interesting life. She is a star ... a household name. She was married to a rock star. But, all things considered, she's still just a girl ... a working mother ... who has struggled in her marriage ... and struggled with her weight. And, more importantly, faced those struggles under the harsh scrutiny of the public eye.
I can't even begin to imagine. I'm fat. And, in reality, the only person who cares that I'm fat is me. I'm sure the girls I went to high school with get a kick out of the fact that I'm no longer the stick figure I once was, that's just the nature of the beast. And when you live in a small town, the rumor mill is always on the look out for and spreading stories about marriages that are "on the rocks," whether they are or not. But I don't have paparazzi chasing me down the street trying to take a picture of me at a bad angle or while eating a foot-long hot dog with the works or zooming in on my cellulite as I stroll along the beach. And even the local newspaper here in Podunk, PA doesn't have an interest in making my disagreements with my husband front page news. Shocking ... I know.
So this is why I find Valerie Bertinelli to be so fascinating. Because as extraordinary as her life may seem, she really is just the girl next door ... or perhaps, even the girl right here ... sitting on this couch ... writing this blog.
I have had my fair share of struggles ... weight being only one of them. We all have our issues. But do we all deal with them? Or do we sweep them under the rug and give the impression to ourselves and others that our house is clean? My pastor once said that life is a lot like gardening ... you can pull out all the weeds and make the garden look beautiful ... but unless you dig really deep and pull the weeds out by the roots, the weeds will eventually take over and everything in the garden will die.
I, for one, have a lot of weeds ... or at least I did. Now I'm left with only a few. I am a control freak. I like to control my environment and, unfortunately, the people who enter it. I have spent so much of my life trying to control things that were so completely and utterly out of my control, that I failed to tend to my own garden. And it got overrun by weeds. Hence, the main reason for my long trip down the size W highway.
So, I had to learn to give up control. "Let go and let God," became my mantra. Which for someone who likes to be in control can actually be physically painful. It took years and years of struggling before I was actually able to give up, give in and really let God take over. It also took what I believe to be a Divine intervention. It was like I was in an arm wrestling match with God over which was one of us was going to be in control. How did I ever believe for a moment that I was going to win?
Every season of The Biggest Loser has an episode wherein one or more of the contestants finally have an emotional breakthrough that allows them to let go of whatever it was that was holding them back from losing weight. So when I decided that my 40th year would be a different one, I had to force myself to look at my weight from a new perspective. I have taken the time to start documenting somewhat of a timeline ... documenting in a diary when the extra weight started to come on ... where I was at in my life when it started to slowly creep on and what was happening in my life when it really started to spiral out of my control. I have had some revelations ... for instance, over the course of one year, I got married, had a child, my parents got divorced and my brother, being angry with my parents, kind of excused himself from our family. That's a big year ... and my clothing size from the beginning of that year to the end showed a big difference. And that's only one example. But by going down this somewhat uncomfortable road, I have been able to shed some weight ... emotionally ... as well as physically. Because I am no longer ignoring the issues that assisted in getting me to the size that I am ... I am pulling them out by the roots. And I'm not embarrassed to be sharing my struggles with you ... because no one has led a perfect life ... and it's okay to have your own particular demons. We all do. I ignored mine for years ... trying to keep everything neat and tidy and within my control. Which only led to one big, disastrous mess. So I let go ... and I encourage you to begin letting go too. It's so much easier.
Valerie Bertinelli has had to face her own demons. She was married to and had a child with an alcoholic/addict. She struggled for years in her marriage and it wasn't until she gave up the struggle and took control of her own situation that she was able to do what was right for her ... and filed for divorce. The years she spent struggling within her marriage took a toll on her ... emotionally and physically. And it took her years to dig deep and pull the weeds from her garden and make it beautiful once again. But she did ... and she now realizes that she deserves to feel beautiful. To feel comfortable in her own skin. And I love that about her.
I find her to be more beautiful today than she was ten years ago because she has a joy in her eyes that looks contagious. She has turned her life around ... lost 50 pounds ... kept it off ... walked a marathon ... is on a hit TV show ... has remarried. Happiness and self-confidence suit her. And it gives me hope
While I find her life to be inspiring, I also find the titles of Valerie Bertinelli's most successful TV shows to be inspiring as well. I am learning to live my life One Day at a Time ... allowing God to point me in the right direction and opening myself up to being Touched by an Angel ... and coming to the realization that I deserve to feel beautiful and comfortable in my own skin and that I can be Hot in Cleveland ... or in Podunk, PA or wherever life might take me. And you do too ...
© 2010-2011 Melanie L. Miller All Rights Reserved
Thanks to the particularly harsh winter weather and my lousy immune system, I have had to fight off more nasty colds and cases of the flu this season than in any other in recent memory. Which, in turn, translates into a number of sick days spent at home, on the couch, eating chicken noodle soup and watching daytime TV.
On one such occasion, I happened to catch an episode of The Nate Berkus Show. His guest that day was Valerie Bertinelli. You may know Nate Berkus as the go-to interior designer on Oprah. He now has a show of his own ... and quite frankly, I am of the opinion that he shouldn't quit his day job and should concentrate solely on design. But I digress.
While Nate Berkus may not be the most engaging of talk show hosts, he did manage to come up with some appropriate questions and the answer to one particular question asked of Ms. Bertinelli caught my attention. In response to the question as to how it is that she (Valerie) had been able to maintain a 50 pound weight loss over the past several years, she responded something to this effect, " ... because I finally realized that I deserved to feel good in my own body." Isn't that a great answer?
Valerie Bertinelli has led an interesting life. She is a star ... a household name. She was married to a rock star. But, all things considered, she's still just a girl ... a working mother ... who has struggled in her marriage ... and struggled with her weight. And, more importantly, faced those struggles under the harsh scrutiny of the public eye.
I can't even begin to imagine. I'm fat. And, in reality, the only person who cares that I'm fat is me. I'm sure the girls I went to high school with get a kick out of the fact that I'm no longer the stick figure I once was, that's just the nature of the beast. And when you live in a small town, the rumor mill is always on the look out for and spreading stories about marriages that are "on the rocks," whether they are or not. But I don't have paparazzi chasing me down the street trying to take a picture of me at a bad angle or while eating a foot-long hot dog with the works or zooming in on my cellulite as I stroll along the beach. And even the local newspaper here in Podunk, PA doesn't have an interest in making my disagreements with my husband front page news. Shocking ... I know.
So this is why I find Valerie Bertinelli to be so fascinating. Because as extraordinary as her life may seem, she really is just the girl next door ... or perhaps, even the girl right here ... sitting on this couch ... writing this blog.
I have had my fair share of struggles ... weight being only one of them. We all have our issues. But do we all deal with them? Or do we sweep them under the rug and give the impression to ourselves and others that our house is clean? My pastor once said that life is a lot like gardening ... you can pull out all the weeds and make the garden look beautiful ... but unless you dig really deep and pull the weeds out by the roots, the weeds will eventually take over and everything in the garden will die.
I, for one, have a lot of weeds ... or at least I did. Now I'm left with only a few. I am a control freak. I like to control my environment and, unfortunately, the people who enter it. I have spent so much of my life trying to control things that were so completely and utterly out of my control, that I failed to tend to my own garden. And it got overrun by weeds. Hence, the main reason for my long trip down the size W highway.
So, I had to learn to give up control. "Let go and let God," became my mantra. Which for someone who likes to be in control can actually be physically painful. It took years and years of struggling before I was actually able to give up, give in and really let God take over. It also took what I believe to be a Divine intervention. It was like I was in an arm wrestling match with God over which was one of us was going to be in control. How did I ever believe for a moment that I was going to win?
Every season of The Biggest Loser has an episode wherein one or more of the contestants finally have an emotional breakthrough that allows them to let go of whatever it was that was holding them back from losing weight. So when I decided that my 40th year would be a different one, I had to force myself to look at my weight from a new perspective. I have taken the time to start documenting somewhat of a timeline ... documenting in a diary when the extra weight started to come on ... where I was at in my life when it started to slowly creep on and what was happening in my life when it really started to spiral out of my control. I have had some revelations ... for instance, over the course of one year, I got married, had a child, my parents got divorced and my brother, being angry with my parents, kind of excused himself from our family. That's a big year ... and my clothing size from the beginning of that year to the end showed a big difference. And that's only one example. But by going down this somewhat uncomfortable road, I have been able to shed some weight ... emotionally ... as well as physically. Because I am no longer ignoring the issues that assisted in getting me to the size that I am ... I am pulling them out by the roots. And I'm not embarrassed to be sharing my struggles with you ... because no one has led a perfect life ... and it's okay to have your own particular demons. We all do. I ignored mine for years ... trying to keep everything neat and tidy and within my control. Which only led to one big, disastrous mess. So I let go ... and I encourage you to begin letting go too. It's so much easier.
Valerie Bertinelli has had to face her own demons. She was married to and had a child with an alcoholic/addict. She struggled for years in her marriage and it wasn't until she gave up the struggle and took control of her own situation that she was able to do what was right for her ... and filed for divorce. The years she spent struggling within her marriage took a toll on her ... emotionally and physically. And it took her years to dig deep and pull the weeds from her garden and make it beautiful once again. But she did ... and she now realizes that she deserves to feel beautiful. To feel comfortable in her own skin. And I love that about her.
I find her to be more beautiful today than she was ten years ago because she has a joy in her eyes that looks contagious. She has turned her life around ... lost 50 pounds ... kept it off ... walked a marathon ... is on a hit TV show ... has remarried. Happiness and self-confidence suit her. And it gives me hope
While I find her life to be inspiring, I also find the titles of Valerie Bertinelli's most successful TV shows to be inspiring as well. I am learning to live my life One Day at a Time ... allowing God to point me in the right direction and opening myself up to being Touched by an Angel ... and coming to the realization that I deserve to feel beautiful and comfortable in my own skin and that I can be Hot in Cleveland ... or in Podunk, PA or wherever life might take me. And you do too ...
© 2010-2011 Melanie L. Miller All Rights Reserved
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