Quite awhile back I posted a blog wherein I stated that I didn't want my weight to hold me back from trying new things and fulfilling my dreams ...
Well ... I am proud to announce that I can cross one thing off of my bucket list ... after a total weight loss to date of 23 pounds ... I was finally able to make my dream of parasailing a reality.
My summer family vacation had been planned long before my husband decided to jump ship. I waffled back and forth as to whether the teenagers and I should still go. Fear and doubt crept into my mind. Would I be able to drive the 13 hours to our destination without incident? Would there be a cloud of sadness hanging over us as we went on our first family vacation with a key member of our family noticeably absent? Would I be able to show the teenagers a good time ... just like their dad (the adventurous one) had always done? And the more I thought about it ... I came to the conclusion that I was allowing the fear of "what ifs" paralyze me. And I couldn't have that now could I?
So off we went ... packed in like sardines ... at 5:00 a.m. ... myself, four teenagers and one senior citizen (my mama) ... heading out for an adventure that would prove to be a great turning point in my life.
I have to divulge that the stress of this little adventure started long before we ever left the driveway. First, a nail had found its way into my left rear tire and was discovered one day before we left ...the tire had to be ordered and replaced ... cutting into the vacation budget. And packing the car with luggage for six, a cooler, snacks, beach bags, etc proved to be a bit more challenging that I had anticipated and resulted in a very tight squeeze for the teenagers and our resident senior citizen.
As I pulled out of the drive ... in the wee hours of the morning ... I was overcome with a wealth of emotions. Excitement and anticipation at spending a full week at the beach ... and sadness that I was going it alone. I almost had a breakdown within the first 45 minutes into the trip ... feeling the tears start to well up behind my eyes ... a tight squeezing in my chest. But as with all things in life ... I had a choice ... to move forward ... or turn back and flee to the comfort and security of my home. I chose to keep moving forward.
We arrived at our destination ... safe and sound ... and were rewarded with a beautifully designed three-bedroom condominium which boasted a spectacular view of the ocean ... four happy teenagers ... one happy senior citizen ... and one exhausted driver.
Over the next several days ... we enjoyed record high temperatures ... were treated to a spectacular show designed by God's hand as we watched a thunderstorm pass over the ocean ... walked along the beach ... wave boarded in the ocean ... floated slowly along the lazy river ... and had lively conversation around the dinner table at our home away from home.
Keeping with the theme of vacations past ... it was solely my responsibility to plan the activities and adventures for the week ahead. After skimming the brochures located in the lobby and searching the internet (because you know I couldn't leave the laptop at home) ... I decided to step out of the box and put a few things on the list that were out of my comfort zone.
First up ... the aquarium ... not so adventurous or out of the box but a great way to spend a cloudy evening after a rainstorm. Next up ... the banana boat. Now for those of you who are unfamiliar with what a banana boat is ... you are not alone. I didn't know what one was either. But basically ... it is just what it is advertised to be ... a rubber boat in the shape of a banana. Now, you can choose to do the "single banana," which is a yellow shaped banana boat built for six ... or you can choose the "double banana," a banana boat with a banana on each side connected like an H ... with a sturdy middle to fall into ... as opposed to being tossed carelessly into the ocean.
While I may be 23 pounds lighter ... the thought of being tossed into the ocean and trying to haul my now size 14W size ass back onto a boat was not exactly appealing ... I am not exactly known around town as having an extraordinary amount of upper body strength ... so the double banana it was.
As grandma has two artificial knees ... she decided to forgo this adventure. So the four teenagers and I suited up in our life jackets and waited patiently for our go round. When it came time for us to board this unseemly contraption ... we were told that two were to sit on one side of the boat ... and three on the other. I chose the side with three ... my daughter behind me ... her boyfriend in front of me ... my son on the other side and his friend behind him. We were then unceremoniously hooked up to a jet ski and told to "hold on for dear life," which I thought was funny ... until I realized they meant it. The means of which you must sit on this rotten banana is to straddle it with your knees tucked behind you and your hands clutching a strap. As I had a deep fear of falling into the ocean and forever being stranded because my body would most certainly have no way of climbing back into the boat ... I leaned strongly toward the middle ... and off we went. On the roughest ride of my life.
Apparently this banana boat thing is supposed to be fun ... ummmmm ... not so much. ... for me it was like a cardio and strength training workout all in one ... with the added bonus of salt water spraying in your face, filling your mouth and burning your eyes. I held onto that strap like my life depended on it ... because it did. The waves were high ... the driver was a lunatic ... twisting and turning and doing his job ... which apparently entailed trying to lose as many passengers as possible.
But this is where the turning point in my life came. Did you watch the first Sex and the City movie? Again ... if you haven't ... you really need to ... because the series and movies are a constant reference point in this blog. Anyhow ... in the movie Carrie is abandoned at the altar by Mr. Big and the honeymoon she has paid for in Mexico is non-refundable. So Samantha and the girls decide to take Carrie on her honeymoon wherein Carrie spends the first few days alone in her room with the shades drawn ... depressed and unable to move. She eventually joins the rest of the group outside and while lounging in the sun turns to her friends and asks, "Will I ever laugh again?" Miranda responds, "Yes. When something is really funny." Well the funny moment that became Carrie's breakthrough came at the expense of Charlotte ... who accidentally drinks the Mexican water while showering and contracts a bad case of diarrhea ... and has an accident ... in her pants.
My breakthrough came at the expense of my son ... who while on the wild banana boat ride ... got hit on his side of the boat by a huge wave and was tossed overboard ... never letting go of the strap and popping right back up onto the boat ... with his swim trunks dangerously close to being completely torn off. As I sit here and write this ... I am laughing out loud ... remembering him popping off the side of the boat in what seemed like an instant ... yelling, "and there go my shorts!" The banana boat captain had the decency to slow down and let my son retrieve his shorts and his dignity ... as the rest of us laughed so hard that no sound would come out ... tears were running down our cheeks and my abs were getting a workout they hadn't received since the early 90's. The extreme nature of my laughter was hindering my ability to hold on and was perilously increasing the likelihood that I would be the next casualty. Luckily for my son, our eyesight was greatly impaired due to the steady stream of salt water that had been assaulting them ... so his moon over the Atlantic Ocean was nothing but a white blur.
While I am certain my son does not have a fond memory of the above-mentioned event ... his unfortunate run-in with the banana boat saved my life ... made me feel alive again for the first time in months ... made me aware that I could laugh again ... really laugh ... and experience a sense of joy that had been hidden underneath the depths of despair that had accompanied me since my husband left our household.
I am not saying, however, that since my husband's abrupt departure that I haven't enjoyed myself ... that a majority of my time has been spent sitting on my butt and wallowing ... I am not much of a wallower. Not at all. But it was this particular event that snapped me out of my funk and allowed me to experience true joy. That moment granted me permission to wipe the sleep (and salt water) from my eyes and soak in the beauty of my surroundings ... see things in living color ... as opposed to seeing everything bathed in shades of gray.
This event led me to push aside my apprehensions and schedule the teenagers and I for the parasailing adventure I had wanted to participate in for as long as I can remember. Over the past several months I have worked hard at shedding those pesky extra pounds ... mustering the strength to get through every day on my own ... relearning who I am as a person ... and this was to be my reward.
So imagine my surprise when we were once again outfitted in our life jackets ... waiting patiently for our turn to fly above the ocean ... when what should appear before us to escort us toward our next adventure? A banana boat! Yes, friends, I had to once again climb aboard the dreaded banana boat and travel out into the ocean. But this time the driver's mission was not to toss us overboard ... but deliver us safely to our destination. Where in turn, I had to toss the captain a rope to hold the banana boat steady and with NO ladder, I had to haul all of this 14W fabulousness aboard the parasailing boat. It wasn't graceful ... and once aboard, I didn't have the strength to stand up as the parasail boat jostled back and forth along with the waves ... so I crawled across the bow and onto the deck and into a seat with all of the elegance of a drunk elephant.
Once aboard, the boys were strapped into their harnesses first and went for their ride and then I was up. A very handsome young man helped me into my harness ... hooked my daughter and I up and away we flew ... soaring across the ocean ... a smooth flight ... quiet and peaceful ... with a bird's eye view of God's great creation. Our journey was interrupted only by the obligatory drop into the ocean from the air wherein I was treated to a smack in the head by a particularly rude wave ... which made me laugh ... which, in turn, resulted in a mouth full of salt water. But it was a lovely ... fun ... joyous experience that I will never forget.
The only hitch in my giddy-up came when we were brought down from the sky and onto the boat and the captain yelled ... stand up when you land ... stay on your feet. Yea. That was soooo not happening. I landed on my feet at first and then promptly landed on my greatest asset ... my big ass. But even that had it's upside as the cute co-captain had to help me up and hold me steady as I regained my footing ... I can think of worse things that could happen. And if I had to do it over ... I'd fall again ... just for the attention.
Then came my equally graceful disembarkment from one boat to the other ... think "beached whale," as I found myself flopping around after half climbing/half falling into the middle of the banana boat ... trying to situate myself into a seat. And then we were off and I once again found my feet on dry land.
A lot of changes have taken place in my life over the past several months. I have gone from married to separated ... gainfully employed to unemployed ... fat to not so fat ... confused to inspired ... sad to joyous.
Every new day opens a door which offers the possibility for new opportunities. I have a choice ... to close the door ... to peek through the doorway to see if I can see what lies on the other side ... or I can throw it wide open and walk through. I choose to walk through ... because the other two choices are choices made out of fear. If I had chosen to close the door on this vacation ... out of fear and insecurity ... I would have missed out on the opportunity to find my smile ... find my joy... find my sense of adventure once again.
I encourage you to walk through that door ... kick it down if you have to. Because I, for one, refuse to be anchored down by fear of the unknown. This girl was born to fly ...
© 2010-2011 Melanie L. Miller All Rights Reserved
