Before recognizing the toxicity of my relationship with Weight Watchers ... I was a dedicated meeting goer for years and years and years and years. Over the course of 20 years, the WW program has changed ... every couple of years or so ... but the meeting agendas have stayed remarkably very much the same.
For instance ... after lining up the masses for the weighing-in ritual, the leader will get the attention of the class and use a "flip chart" decorated with thought-provoking quotes, phrases and pictures to teach us wayward souls a lesson for the week. These lessons do not tend to waiver in their content from year to year.
During this lesson the leader will try to actively involve her students by asking leading questions. Such as ... (1) what did you do this week to fit in your 8 glasses of water per day (WW recommended); (2) what did you do this week to earn activity points (WW slang for exercise); and (3) what steps did you take this week to make sure you kept "on track" (WW is very big on emphasizing keeping oneself "on track"). If you answer one of these questions by raising your hand and stating your answer out loud to the group, you receive a gold star to put on your WW bookmark. The other way to earn stars for your bookmark is by losing a specific number of pounds ... one for every 5 pounds you lose, one for losing 10% of your starting weight, etc. Because I sucked so bad at losing weight, had all the knowledge but none of the will to actually put my knowledge to use, my bookmark was filled to its edges with "participation" stars. I was an excellent participator in open discussion at WW meetings.
Another go-to at a WW meeting is the leader pausing in the middle of the flip-chart demonstration to ask us to gather in groups and brainstorm for answers to seemingly easy questions. Such as ... (1) look through your points booklet and find a variety of breakfasts that can be consumed for 5 points or less; or (2) look through your healthy food guidelines and find one guideline you find difficult to follow (such as your dairy requirement) and come up with 2 ways you can correct it; or (3) write down 5 ways you can add more activity points to your daily routine. On a side note, the leader always split myself and "the peeps" apart because apparently we were trouble makers and didn't take our group exercises seriously. On another side note, most of the answers to the above questions could be answered by buying a WW related product that the leader was required to push at that particular meeting.
But my all-time favorite activity (and, yes, I am being sarcastic) at a WW meeting is the "visualization" process. This is the part in the meeting where the leader has completed her lesson and will ask you to get your daily tracker out (given to you at the start of every meeting after your weigh-in) and have you do some ridiculous visualization exercise. For example, she will say something along the lines of the following (with a calm, hushed tone): "Close your eyes and visualize you have reached your goal weight. What are you wearing? How do you feel? Who are you with? Where are you at?" Now open your eyes and write down on your daily tracker everything you just saw in your mind. And I would like one or two of you to share it with the group."
At one meeting, a lady expressed that she had bought a silver dress to wear to a wedding. But she had never been able to wear it. And that once she got to her goal weight, she was going to wear it. To a meeting. And she did. It was horribly outdated (once again affirming my theory that you shouldn't keep clothes in your closet that don't fit in the present so you can wear them in the future when you lose weight) and not an attractive look for her. But she made her goal and kept her promise which is more than I can say for my WW dropout self.
Another woman stated that she was wearing an LBD (little black dress) to a fancy cocktail party alongside her husband. It should be noted that she stated that she had never owned an LBD or had ever attended a fancy cocktail party with her husband. But, by gosh, that's what she conjured up in her head.
Others expressed wearing bikinis and sipping frozen fruity cocktails on exotic beaches somewhere in the Caribbean. Which kind of goes against all WW was trying to teach us ... do you have any idea how many points are in that fruity frozen cocktail?
But everyone has a dream. Mine? And if my children are reading this ... please log off immediately because you may be scarred for life ... and if you are again not a fan of TMI ... you log off as well.
My dream? To have sex with the lights on. Yea ... I'm not joking around. After about what seemed like the 100th time I had done this "visualization" exercise, I decided to quit playing it safe and say what I really felt.
What I am wearing? A thong ... a bustier, thigh high black stockings, garters, high-heels ... the works. I also have very long hair in this dream which is weird because I haven't had anything other than shoulder length hair since I was 18. Jersey style. Teased to the ceiling.
How did I feel? Smoking hot and sexy. Like Angelina Jolie ... or any girl in a rap video.
Who am I with? Well, I guess since I'm married I had better say my husband. *Wink* Just kidding ... of course I'm with my husband ... you'd think I'd let someone other than my husband, gynecologist and primary care physician see me naked at this stage in the game?
Where are you at? A bedroom ... mine, a hotel room, any bedroom. And we're leaving the lights on. Or maybe it's during the daytime and we are allowing the sunlight to fill the room. I don't know and I don't care. All I know is that there is light.
I wrote all this down on my little tracker. I did. And I raised my hand and shared my dream with the group. And aside from offending a small group of prudish ladies ... I got some laughs, some applause and another gold star for my bookmark. I also submitted a very similar version of my vision for a WW contest wherein the grand prize winner would receive a $25,000 cash prize. I didn't win. But I did receive an honorable mention and a $100 AmEx card. The winning entry involved the writer seeing herself starting out as a caterpillar and emerging from her cocoon as a beautiful butterfly. Or some bullshit like that. I was robbed.
Let's be honest ladies ... isn't being sexy one of the top reasons we want to lose those extra pounds? Who doesn't want to slink around like Halle Berry in a cat suit or walk the runway at a Victoria's Secret fashion show? If you are sitting at a WW meeting or tackling your weight loss in some other way ... you aren't feeling very sexy.
As a married woman (or a woman in a long-term, committed relationship), you have lost your sense of mystery. My husband has seen me without make up and witnessed my "I just woke up" hair (which resembles that of a Troll doll's). He has nursed me to health when I was severely sick with the flu. Watched me give birth to two children. He has witnessed me caring for two babies, sleep-deprived, with dark circles under my eyes, legs unshaven and covered head to toe in spit up and baby poop. He knows the location of every stretch mark, every surgical scar and patch of cellulite on my body. He has seen me at my very worst. So, at the very least, I would really, really like for him to be able to see me at my very best. And at this moment, at this age and this weight, my very best is in the dark.
Is it ridiculous given how much this man knows about me, not to mention the fact that he has this knowledge and has stuck around all of these years, to limit our mating rituals to that of vampires ... in the middle of the night and in complete and total darkness? Probably.
But I don't know of very many women ... actually, I take that back ... I personally don't know of any women (my friends) who are at the same stage in their life as I am and have had similar struggles with their weight that actively promote a little "afternoon delight" without the shades drawn or who have had fluorescent lighting installed in their bedrooms so their significant other can see them more clearly.
I am upset because my husband has been flirting with the idea of getting Lasik surgery. It terrifies me. Not because of the risks that something may happen to permanently damage his eyes. No, I'm terrified it might actually work and give the man 20/20 vision. And he will actually be able to see me ... CLEARLY ... for the first time in many, many years. Yes, he has glasses but he barely ever cleans them so his eyesight is foggy at best. And he takes them off when it's time for "romance" and thankfully he is blind as a bat without them. The thought of his eyes being permanently fixed gives me hives. Lord have mercy ...
WW leaders aren't the only ones who promote visualization exercises for success. Coaches want players to visualize making that touchdown in the end zone, sinking that putt, catching that ball, hitting that home run, etc. Your boss wants you to visualize a successful financial year ... what will you do differently ... how did you attract more customers, cut expenses, etc. President Obama used a visualization board wherein he and his wife attached pictures, articles, quotes, etc. onto a bulletin board visually mapping out his path to the White House. Never believing for a moment that it wasn't possible.
So ladies ... close your eyes and imagine you are at your goal weight. What are you wearing? How do you feel? Who are you with? Where are you at? Tell me ... because I'm still sitting in the dark.
© 2010-2011 Melanie L. Miller All Rights Reserved
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