My favorite TV show of all time is Sex and the City (SATC). I have seen every episode of every season at least 4 times and can recite most of them line by line. I watched and enjoyed the first SATC movie and was sad and disappointed by the second one. I have gone on the SATC bus tour in New York City and answered every trivia question correctly, had my picture taken on the steps outside of Carrie's apartment, had a cosmopolitan at "Scout," Aidan and Steve's bar, and shopped in show stylist Patricia Field's retail store. I am a SATC "super fan."
If you don't watch SATC, you may choose to discontinue reading this because this post may not be your cup of tea. And if you don't watch SATC ... I must ask, why? If watching it in its original form on HBO is too graphic for you, there are re-runs to be seen on a variety of different cable channels in a more "sedated" state. I highly recommend it.
SATC follows our heroine, Carrie Bradshaw, a New York city gal of a "certain age" and her BFFs, Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha, as they look for, lose and eventually find ... true love. Carrie is a columnist whose meal-ticket is writing about her "single in the city" lifestyle and her long-suffering pursuit of "Mr. Big."
Carrie is introduced to "Mr. Big" in season one. A tall, dark and handsome business tycoon who becomes the bane of her existence as she manages to fall in love with, get her heart broken by and continuously chase over the course of 6 seasons, 94 episodes and 2 movies.
By the end of episode 94, Big and Carrie seem to have worked past all of their issues and are sent off into the sunset (or in this case, Fifth Avenue) to live happily ever after. Also in episode 94, we finally learn Big's name ... John. For me, that was kind of a downer. Part of Big's massive appeal is that he was not "every man." Naming him took away some of his sexy mystery. But ... I digress.
In the first SATC movie, Big and Carrie are shown living their "happily ever after" in the Big Apple when they hit a major pot hole in their relationship. By movie two they are living in domestic bliss. This is where it gets interesting. And by "interesting" I don't mean that the movie itself is interesting ... it's not ... at all. It's one of the worst movies I have ever seen in my entire life and being a SATC super fan, that's saying quite a lot.
However, what's interesting is this ... after 6 seasons, 94 episodes and 2 movies ... Carrie becomes bored by her life with Big. Feels as if they are losing their "sparkle." Big likes to come home from work, sit on the couch, watch Sports Center and order in Chinese. Carrie, however, wants to go out dancing, have some cocktails and have "fun." Hmmmmm....what does that remind me of? Hmmmm....can't quite put my finger on it. Is it? Well? Is it ... marriage?
Yes, Carrie. That's marriage. Anyone who has been married for longer than a minute can tell you that after the honeymoon is over, you and your spouse will find yourself settling in for the long haul. The long haul has its share of romantic interludes ... and it also has its share of boring domesticity. You see, going to work, taking out garbage, mopping floors and scrubbing toilets is not sexy ... but it is part of being married. Big's a homebody. He wants to stay home with his best girl and relax. Meanwhile, his best girl wants to go out and party like it's 1999. Carrie has spent all of her time chasing after and finally landing Big ... and now she's bored.
Fascinating, right? Carrie misses the thrill of the chase ... misses all of the time she spent pursuing the one thing she always thought she wanted and always seemed just out of her reach ... Big. And now she has him. And it's not enough. I am currently chasing a Mr. Big of my own ... weight loss. I have been chasing my Mr. Big for approximately 20 years now. I have had him in my sights ... but he always manages to slip right through my chubby fingers.
Carrie's boredom with married life to Big got me thinking. When and if I ever catch up to and capture my Mr. Big ... will it be enough? Will my Mr. Big be able to live up to all of my high expectations? What will I do with all of the extra time and energy that I had previously spent on pursuing the forever elusive Mr. Big? Will finding Mr. Big make me happy? No. To all of the above.
You see, a lot of the appeal of chasing after the "ungettable" is more about the chase than actually catching and obtaining that what you are chasing. You are chasing after an "idea" and not an actual "possibility." You need to have a clear objective ... and if you are running on nothing but emotion ... a clear objective is nowhere to be found.
I want to be thin, healthy and feel better about myself. This is what I have been telling myself is my Mr. Big. But if I'm honest with myself and with you, when I picture myself thin and healthy ... I see one smoking hot mama with a tight, flat stomach and killer legs (think Heidi Klum). That, if I am honest, is the actual Mr. Big I happen to be pursuing. Will I ever be able to catch that Mr. Big? Probably not. I'm 40. You cannot have the body of a 19-year-old when you are 40. Especially if you have abused that body for 20+ years and have stretched most of it into lumps of play-doh. You may be able to slowly mold the play-doh into a smaller more shapely form ... but play-doh is play-doh and no matter how hard you try to convince yourself it can be done ... play-doh will never be cement.
Carrie was chasing a fantasy ... an idea of who she thought Big was supposed to be. And she was disappointed when she realized he wasn't whom she thought he should be after she caught him. I also have been chasing a fantasy ... and the reason I have never caught my Mr. Big is because he was never really there to be caught. My Mr. Big was nothing but an idea. If I had actually caught up to my Mr. Big I'm sure I would have been disappointed ... because he wouldn't have been everything I had built up in my mind that he should be (i.e., looking like Heidi Klum). I need a reality check ... and if you have been pursuing a Mr. Big of your own (no matter what the case may be) ... you do too.
So I'm making a list. A list of goals that can actually be accomplished. I need to start small ... maybe with eliminating soda from my diet and increasing my water intake. Once that is accomplished I can move on to something else that is attainable. After reading all of your comments regarding Meals On Wheels, I trashed the fast and easy way out and am ready to rely on myself, trial and error and the good Lord's guidance to take me on this journey.
So I'm ditching Mr. Big ... and settling for Mr. Not So Big instead. I'm hoping you will do the same.
© 2010-2011 Melanie L. Miller All Rights Reserved
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