For those of you who read my blog regularly, you know that I reference my husband and my marriage in a lot of my posts. In order to be a successful writer you need to write the truth (as you see it) and write what you know. I do both ...
I have stated time and again that marriage can be hard ... rewarding and worth the time ... but hard nonetheless. This is the truth (as I see it) and what I know.
When my husband and I were first married we moved into a modest-sized upstairs apartment. We decorated as most newlyweds do ... with garage sale finds and things our parents were willing to part with. My husband had a job where he left most mornings before I was awake and he made coffee every morning to take with him. Every morning when he would make his coffee, he would dump all of the grounds from the previous pot of coffee into the sink. Which did not have a garbage disposal. Which meant that I would spend my morning getting ready for work while attempting to clean out a sink full of coffee grounds. The garbage can was located directly underneath the sink in question and for whatever reason ... he just couldn't bring himself to empty his used coffee grounds into it. No matter how many times I asked.
Approximately one month into this coffee grounds debacle, I lost my cool. I called my mother. I cried on the phone (in my defense, I was also pregnant at the time and my hormones were out of control). I told her I had made a terrible mistake and should never have married this inconsiderate man. You know what my mother told me? Get over it. Learn to pick your battles. Hmmmm....not what I wanted to hear. But sound advice.
Over the course of our marriage we have had several disagreements like the one mentioned above ... some of these disagreements have escalated to a level they had no business escalating to. It's the nature of the beast. Disagreements are bound to happen ... one of you is going to have to bend ... going to have to "get over it" ... going to have to learn how to pick your battles.
From an early age, girls are taught that there is a tall, dark, handsome prince charming on a white horse waiting to carry her off into the sunset where they will live happily ever after. Boys are taught to be strong, masculine and protector of this beautiful, perfect princess who will bat her eyelashes, smile and follow him mindlessly down whichever path leads to happily ever after without question ... acting loving and devoted the entire way.
It's crap. You know and I know that the princess is playing "back-horse" driver arguing with the prince to stop and ask for directions along the path to happily ever after because they seem to have passed the same apple tree three times and are going around in circles. The prince is staring in confusion at the princess out of the corner of his eye wondering where the flawless beauty he rescued is hiding as the princess's make up is starting to wear off and her hair is frizzing and standing on end. Eventually the prince gets more and more irritated with the princess's whining and tells her if she thinks she knows so much she can get off the horse and walk herself to happily ever after ... and so on, and so on and so on.
That's marriage ... Happily ever after, while paved with good intentions, will never live up to the story we have written in our head of how it should be. Happily ever after takes a lot of work ... a lot of effort ... a lot of blood, sweat and tears. If you walk into happily ever after expecting it to be perfect ... you are sure to be disappointed.
Marriage is a commitment. Once you are married, you are not "sort of" married ... just like you cannot be "sort of" pregnant. You either are or you aren't. My husband and I have been married for 17 years. And we have been married for 17 years because we both want to be. We get up every morning and practice our vows and stay married on purpose. We have weathered for better or worse, for richer or poorer, etc. and we remain married and are traveling toward our happily ever after.
Weight loss is a commitment as well. You can't be "sort of" committed to a healthy lifestyle ... you either are or you are not. Have you ever been on a diet and allowed yourself a "cheat" day? You know, the day you can eat whatever you want, as much as you want and nothing you eat that day counts? Go home tonight and tell your spouse that from today forward you are going to have a "cheat day" once a week wherein you can go out and have a date (and whatever else) with whomever you like and your spouse cannot hold you accountable for your actions. How do you think that would go over? Exactly.
So why do we think it's okay to have a "cheat day" once a week on a diet? Who exactly are you cheating? I will tell you who ... YOU. That's right ... you are cheating yourself out of being successful. If you eat in moderation and burn more calories than you consume ... would it be "cheating" to have a piece of cake at the birthday party or a popcorn at the movie theater? No. It wouldn't. Because if you truly are following a healthy diet and exercising properly ... the odd piece of cake or movie popcorn won't destroy your efforts.
If you design your diet around days that you can "cheat," you may as well not bother to diet at all. You are setting yourself up for failure. "Cheating" shows a lack of commitment on your part to that which you are cheating on. If you cheat on a test it shows your lack of commitment to studying ... if you cheat on your spouse you are showing a lack of commitment to your partner ... and if you cheat on your diet ... you are showing a lack of commitment to the most important person in your life ... YOU.
I am making a commitment to myself that I will take steps to leading a healthy lifestyle. I started out by saying I would do Meals on Wheels ... the fast track to weight loss. And I changed my mind. Meals on Wheels was a lie ... it was an easy but not a long-term solution. So I'm starting over. And I'm not going to lie to myself anymore. I will do what I can do ... and I will get up every morning and be committed to my lifestyle on purpose. I will weather for better or worse and for richer or poorer ... and I will be a better person for it in the end.
I'm going to put a ring on my finger and make a commitment to myself and my new lifestyle and I'm going to keep my vows ... just as I have done for my husband these past 17 years. I challenge you to do the same ...
© 2010-2011 Melanie L. Miller All Rights Reserved
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