Once upon a time, someone sent me a message on Facebook that challenged me to write a note listing 20 things about myself that people would be surprised to know ... or something to that effect. So, I did.
One of things on my list was the following: "Marriage is harder than I thought it would be." Because it's true. It is hard. It's definitely worthwhile ... but hard. One of my fb friends commented on the list that I had made and said the following (and please read it with the same sarcastic nasally tone I used in my head when I read it): "I never thought marriage was hard because I married my best friend." OMG ... Gag ... Gross! Anyone who tells you that their marriage is "perfect" or that marriage isn't hard is one of two things: (a) a newlywed or; (b) a liar.
Now, before you chastise me ... I need you to know that I do believe that my husband is my friend. But he's not my best friend or BFF if you will.
I couldn't have married my BFF even if I had wanted to ... she's a gorgeous red-head and same-sex marriage is not yet legal in the state of Pennsylvania. It's probably just as well. The best thing about having a BFF is the fact that you don't live together. You don't have the same stresses that married couples face. You don't make a family budget together, you aren't sleep deprived and cranky because of a colicky newborn or mouthy teenager, you don't divvy up household chores and worry about how the bills are going to be paid at the end of every month. A BFF just has to "show up."
Your BFF is the one that you talk to about your menstrual period, and how much water you are currently retaining and how you ate an entire bag of potato chips and a full container of chip dip by yourself every Friday night for a month and are now wondering why you can't fit into last season's summer wardrobe. Your BFF goes shopping with you and waits patiently in the dressing room while you try on 100 different dresses to end up buying not a single one. Your BFF will tell you ... yes, your BFF will tell you that those pants make you look fat and that maybe plaid isn't a good look on you. Your BFF will sit with you while you dissect every possible scenario that may occur if you choose one plan of action over another. Your BFF will listen and reassure you instead of laughing at you every time you get a splitting headache and are convinced you have a brain tumor. Your BFF will give you a makeover and help you color your hair. Your BFF is the one that you turn to when you want to vent about your spouse. Your BFF is your stylist, nutritionist, cosmetologist, gynecologist, primary care physician, marriage counselor and therapist all wrapped up into one neat little package.
Now, my husband has at some point over the course of our 17-year marriage participated in all of the above-mentioned duties. I know for a fact that he didn't much care listening to me discuss my monthly cycle, mixing the color for my hair, shopping for dresses or discussing the newest fad diet. He has never once appreciated it when I vent about him to him (I believe that's called nagging) and NEVER in my life has my husband ever told me that I look "fat" in anything (even though I know of quite a few times that he definitely should have).
My husband is my friend. I love and adore him. I love being his wife and the mother of his children. I love our life together (most days) and I don't want to live my life without him.
That being said, my relationship with my BFF is equally important. You see, your husband, if he truly loves you, will give you whatever it is you want within reason and within his means. Your husband doesn't understand the obsession you have with dieting and will go out and buy you a case of Pepsi and a king size Reese's if that's what you say you want even though you just told him an hour before to not allow you to eat any junk food.
If you tell your BFF to not allow you junk food, however, she will remove the Pepsi from your house and donate it to a food pantry and slap the Reese's out of your hand, point her finger at you and yell "NO!" as if you were a toddler. It's called the buddy system. Every diet plan has them. I strongly suggest you participate in one. I also suggest you choose a buddy outside of your own home. You see, my BFF can get away with telling me what I should and should not do when it comes to eating. My husband cannot. If my husband slapped food out of my hand and took away my Pepsi, I would immediately jump into manipulation mode and start crying and saying things like "I knew you thought I was fat," or other inappropriate statements to make him feel bad enough to give me back the candy and soda. My BFF wouldn't put up with that shit.
Having a BFF is crucial to a woman's life. As a matter of fact, I suggest you have more than one. A BFF will always tell you the truth ... even when it hurts. They will get up at 5 a.m. (thanks Sargent) and go for a walk with you, they will join you in making an idiot out of yourself at a Zumba class and join you in the shallow end of the pool with the over-80 crowd for water aerobics. They will go to WW meetings with you and get yelled at for not paying attention and laughing uncontrollably for no apparent reason.
My husband would gladly do these things if I asked him to ... well, maybe not all of these things ... but a good portion of them. He just doesn't want to. Just like I don't want to go sit at antique auctions every Saturday afternoon and Monday evening like he does. It's not "my thing." And that's okay. Weight loss is not "his thing." First, he doesn't need to lose any weight. Second, he just wouldn't be as much fun. It's kind of a "girl thing." You see Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus ... which means that my husband and I live on different planets and my BFF resides in my time zone.
So ladies, go grab your BFF (and if you haven't been paying attention ... do not go and grab your husband) and tell her you're ready to make some changes. Schedule some fun Girls Nights Out or Girls Days Out and take a Zumba class ... on my life I swear you will burn more calories laughing than you will dancing ... or go for a walk ... or maybe snowboarding!!!! *Wink*
Yes, I love my husband ... but I wouldn't be complete without my BFF and the peeps. Love you girls!
© 2010-2011 Melanie L. Miller All Rights Reserved
You are good...you really ought to write a book!!!
ReplyDelete